Not sure of a title….

I’m sorry, I’m truly not sure what to title this piece, maybe it will come to me while I’m writing.

Anyhow, so I think we are settling in okay.

To be honest, though, it’s all very surreal. There was a point where I thought I’d never get out of that house. It didn’t really matter to me either way whether or not I’d get out of the area, either was okay. It’s where I was born and raised, so it was of course home. But new and different places are good too. Adventures are good. I’m in a place where I WANT to learn and grow (mentally, not physically. Physically I want to shrink!). But it’s kind of hard to believe we are out of there. And I find myself unable to shake the idea that we have to go back. That somehow we are still connected to that place. That I still owe something (other than a list of problems with the apartment) to anyone back there. I figure the landlord might need a lot of work to fix the place – but that’s most certainly not ALL our fault. There were a lot of things wrong with that house that we couldn’t do anything either way about. And I thought he was in talks with someone about them buying the property, which this person would be the very best thing to happen to that place.

But it’s all surreal. I didn’t like the place, I haven’t wanted anything to do with it, and I’m GLAD we’re gone. Yes, I understand the connection my children have to it – it’s where she grew up and he’s lived since he was born. But to me, most of it was a living hell. I hope it’s the last thing I need to do to get my mindset out of that. Or one of the big things. I just wanted for so long for things to get better – I’m cautiously stepping forward towards a time and place where they will. That’s my intention, and we will make it so.

I’m fairly impressed with the majority of things here in Springfield. I’m trying to be a good couch surfer to my brother in law and his family, I’m trying to help where I can, but I know sometimes I (we) will fail at that.

The size of this place is so much bigger than I’m used to. I keep saying, a simple trip just about anywhere, but especially to our storage locker, is like a trip to Buffalo for me! I’m nervous when I go over a bridge I have to go over to get there, which reminds me of the Scajaquada Expressway into downtown Buffalo. I’m going to try to time our trips either later in the evening or mid-afternoon. I wish I had mentioned about the storage units just up the street here, but that’s okay. If it was there, it would be too easy just to go get the stuff and fill up what limited space we have.

I’m eager to explore our area. Tomorrow is Sunday, so we will once again be visiting the local Unitarian Universalist church. I look forward to becoming an active member/friend.

After service I intend to look into a local natural foods store, Mama Jean’s. I asked a worker at the nearest WalMart Neighborhood Market about tahini, and the lady she checked with suggested that place. I was too beat by the heat and needed to get home to take my pill after we went out for dinner that we didn’t go then.

Speaking of which, my husband, son and I were particularly impressed with the service we received at Steak and Shake. Good food (I had a veggie melt, but I’m going to change out the pepper jack cheese for swiss if/when we go again), and very good and fast service!

And now I’m beat. It’s time to go to bed, and get up bright and early again so we can go to church. I find myself WANTING to get up bright and early. I wanted to back there, but there was just no real reason, everything there was too overwhelming. It’s simpler here right now.

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