Enlightenment – 100 Word Challenge – Required

I can’t tell you how excited I am about my entry into this week’s 100 Word Challenge at Velvet Verbosity’s site. Not only will Britney be appearing here, but also in another challenge, and she and another character (not just Seth) might just get their own book! I can see it, and I love when that happens!

Note: this is just short of 100 words.

The revolution won’t be televised. You will only experience it.
Enlightenment wants your participation. To stay in the dark, it’s required.

Britney sprung up and turned. She’d catch Seth this time. She fell asleep on her Biology textbook waiting for him in the library. She knew what she heard she’d seen on Facebook; it wasn’t an impersonation of her latest crush.

Seth wasn’t behind her.

*BEEP*

Shortly after the library doors’ security beep, he rounded the corner.

“You did it again!”

“What?”

“You whispered in my ear!”

“No I didn’t, I JUST walked in. Didn’t you hear the beep?”

Keep your eyes peeled for more.  Like I said, it will be coming soon (as soon as I edit it some more)!

I’m going to try the Blog Hop option as well, so here goes (crossing fingers)(this is where you can see everyone else!):

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15 comments

  1. It is hard to convey meaning In 100 words. I think you succeeded though and I look forward to reading more.

    • Absolutely! She just sorta popped into my head when I found out what the word was (chasing “required” and the whole idea about participation). I was elated to find out how very well I know her!

  2. I think it’d be a good idea for you to step back and read this like you were someone coming in who had no idea who these characters were or what their motivations are. In other words, me. 😉 I had no idea what was going on or why. I gather that this drabble is an entry in a series that, taken together, tell a coherent story. But you have to remember that they can also end up being read as standalone pieces (as flash- and microfiction usually is) and thereby become absolutely impenetrable.

    Also, a couple specific points: Typing all caps, apostrophe-framed *BEEP* like that brings to mind a car horn rather than the far more sedate ‘ding’ of an elevator. And the use of the word ‘security’ to as a modifier for the beep seems incongruous. (see below for recommended solution)

    The boldface type at the beginning: I can’t tell whether that’s an associated quote, or the title, or part of the body. I would recommend that you find another way of setting the body of the piece apart from your author’s notes than simply putting the piece in italics. a divider, a change in font size, etc. This would also have the welcome effect of allowing to use italics in the body *as italics*, which would have allowed you to simply italicize ‘beep’ and be done with it. 🙂

    Sorry for the long crit, but I got on a roll. 😉

    • I do appreciate your input. I can also understand getting on a roll with it – a friend asked me to look over a children’s story she wrote and, frankly, I ripped it apart and put it back together as I had small children (she doesn’t plan to have children) and was well acquainted with the attention span and normal length of a children’s story, and how one might be put together. She did appreciate it, and I know it helped her a lot.

      Addressing your comments: As you can see by the fact that I do have a running story with prompts, I’m used to them being part of a bigger piece, and admitted that this (these, as it includes another piece already out and one I’m working on) is (are). However, with shorts, you’re right, it’s usually supposed to be a standalone piece.

      As for the beep in the story – this is NOT a ding from an elevator – this is specifically the security monitors located at the doors of the library at the college I attended. I tried to do my best to convey this in the space allowed – it’s a library and since it’s so quiet, it seems pretty loud and you can hear it nearly everywhere on the first floor. The other floors are more isolated – I imagined her in a part of the library blocked off from the door by at least stacks, but where the beep was perfectly audible.

      The boldface type is supposed to be what she heard while she was dreaming. I will agree that you have addressed the problems I found using italics to present the story. I guess I will be changing that. I had hoped to convey the idea of someone coming up and whispering (as happened to a friend of mine) or activity around someone (as has often happened to me) becoming part of a dream. I’ve been thinking the blog looks just a little too plain – a graphic for that should be perfect. Or maybe (also) a change in theme.

      Thank you, again. I learned in college that some of the best critiques can look a bit harsh at first!

      • I don’t necessarily want to say gates, because gates implies a security guard standing there, or something that you have to open, and these are 2 pillars that have the mechanism on them that would catch a book not checked out, since they all have those fancy security devices on them. The doors stand open all day, so it’s free flow, you just have to walk between these things. But I didn’t have the space to explain all that, so I did my best.

  3. Putting aside the story itself for a moment, and looking at comments, wow! agincourtdb, you gave an awesome critique here, very thorough and helpful in specific ways. And Angelgal you responded well to it – and believe me, I know how much even the most helpful critique can feel harsh. As the caretaker of the 100 Words challenge I often hesitate to offer critiques for many reasons, but when I do offer critiques it’s often because I can see that a few things are standing in the way of a piece and I want to help the person bring out their best.

    I’d love to see more constructive critiquing but I know this can be a hard thing to offer and receive. Good on the two of you for handling it well here.

    The story itself makes me want to know more, and that’s a good thing. At the same time I think it would be an interesting exercise for you to try to make each piece stand on its own without knowing what’s going on elsewhere.

    My most prized book is Possession by A.S. Byatt, partly because I can open that book to any page, read any paragraph, and the language is strong and beautiful, standing fully on its own without the rest of the book. That’s part of the aim with the 100 word challenge, to create pieces that are limited to 100 words that can stand on their own.

    I hope this long comment doesn’t make you feel picked on. Not my intention. The conversation was already happening here so it was the perfect opportunity to expand on it. I love your enthusiastic participation and your willingness to push yourself. 🙂

    • Your long comment is only more encouragement. I definitely REQUIRE writing daily.

      I found it amazing to find “required” as the word for the week, as I’m working on changing my language to reflect a more positive direction, and one thing that’s been pointed out to me by someone doing energy work is that the word “need” is one of lack, where as “require” is one of abundance, and that’s what I’m looking for. Since I haven’t been writing like I should, I AM lacking when it comes to my writing, and my lack of expression is causing problems. Writing can be so therapeutic, and as communication is one of the cardinal occupations of my sign – Gemini – not doing it is causing problems. So much gets cleared out.

      What’s more, this story requires to be written. It is a very personal story – this will be the most personal story I will ever write, because it will hash out some very important things in my life, telling a story that I am living. Many of the details will be changed, but the story itself will remain the same. That has me both very excited and very SCARED. Which is probably why the next installment is taking SO LONG – I’m pretty sure I’ve passed the deadline for that particular challenge, but I still have to write it. As always, tho, the fear is what stops me.

      And I have practice dealing with “harsh” critiques. I learned in my college Creative Writing courses that some of the most marked up critiques (since we used hard copies of the stories to critique each other) were the best – you learn where things need to be changed and where you have to be strong in your writing.

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