Saturday Evening – 5 days hence

Each night it’s getting just a bit easier to breathe leading up to bedtime. Last night it wasn’t too bad…I had to cry Thursday night, and Friday during the day. I took that mental health moment and left the house, and stopped by my mom’s. Sometimes a person just needs to get a hug and some sympathy from their mommy, ya know?

Last night….it wasn’t just too bad, it was the better of the previous nights. I had a knot in my stomach, but I got through it. I copped out of doing Goldilocks, but he went to sleep fairly easily. And I found myself praying HARD. I got such peace…I had only had a taste of it on Monday night, but this one was better, and it lasted much longer. So now I’m not so much praying for it to go easier or be easier or anything, but for Him to take care of my babies, and for me to get the peace I had last night. It was GREAT. Another reason to say thanks.

And on saying thanks to God. I think I mentioned before that the sermon on Sunday had to do with tithing. T was there, and we started a discussion on it. I had been thinking…what is it that I want, or we want, that we would be asking Him for in taking this Trust Journey. I finally sat her last night and typed up a quick text document with my thoughts. And deposited it in 3 places on the computer—T’s folder, my folder, and the desktop. He saw it and had glanced at it, but didn’t say much on it. I hope he’ll think about it. I thought, though, it was a novel idea to get my thoughts about it across, and open a dialogue between the two of us on this subject.

What’s the reason for our tithe?

Are we asking Him to bless us with something?

What has He already blessed us with?
~ a long term, strong relationship
~ 2 beautiful HEALTHY children (yes, even after Monday!)
~ long term (seemingly stable) employment in a shaky economy. The potential (?) of it for both of us (?)
~ a roof over our heads (whether we like it or not)
~ a car (even if it has a few dents)
~ food (whether one of us manages to figure out what to make for dinner with it or not)
~ wonderful family (even if we have problems with one or another of them at times)
~ enough money for the moment (even if we don’t properly use it how we must)
~ His everlasting love
~ the sacrifice of His Son

So, what more can we ask for?

Pondering it, my reason for Tithing has no longer become just Trusting in Him, but showing Him how much we love Him. (Funny that money should be some of the language with which we show God OUR love. But it seems to be something of a …. currency for us. 😐 I mean, good grief we can’t go up and HUG HIM right now, can we?) It’s become….I KNOW You will provide. I’m not going to question that. I won’t deny that the fear won’t exist that there won’t be enough—I’m excited to see You prove Yourself through this exercise. Because I know You will provide, because I believe so deeply in You, I want to show You my thanks and appreciation, and give back to You that which is rightfully Yours. I want to do this not without fear, but through the fear that things might go completely wrong, because I Love and Trust You that much.

I’m awed at the possibility to show Him how much we Trust Him, by not just contributing $25 a week, but by giving back that full 10% and even more some weeks.

The only other question is, of course, when? The sooner, the better. Not “when there’s enough” but “before there’s enough, knowing there WILL be enough”.

Have a nice evening. I’m looking forward to church tomorrow. 🙂

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