It was pretty good, actually. He talked about in seeing other people’s sins and judging them, we need to also be aware of what our reaction says about what our sins are. The passage used today was Genesis 38:6-19; 24-26. And we have to be careful that our sins aren’t worse.
That, and the other pastor (the wife of the couple)’s prayer today—wow, the Holy Spirit has to be there, because it talked right to the stuff yesterday. She talked about having conflict with our neighbors, and that we have to love them and see them as God does. And that we have to go out and be an example, of God’s love and grace, in which to bring them to God. After service, I asked her “how did you know?” And sparingly told her about the fight.
I can’t see how it would be all that easy to be the catalyst to bring these people to God. Really. Because none of them are seeing what they do as wrong. Every day, I ask myself how I look, how I sound. Sometimes, I come out on the bad end, I know I’m not a perfect mom, I know I slip sometimes—I know I’m a good friend, though, too, and I realized that the grandmother has to think that I’m friends with Mary. Which I’m NOT. The last thing in the world that woman is, is my friend. She’s my NEIGHBOR, my ACQUAINTANCE. I can’t remember the exact instance I was thinking might be the reasoning—no, now I remember what might have been part of it, the last time the grandmother was nice to me….I think for one thing the mom’s been whining about people (me specifically) talking about her. I have only talked to them upstairs about her ONCE. I know it—like everything else that has crossed these people’s eyes and ears and brain—could be terribly misconstrued—but even that was more out of concern than anything. I’m not going to be vindictive. And I know what her comment about me being “mad ‘the terror of the trailer court’ (my nickname for the particular kid since last year) didn’t want to play with D” is about now, too, since I’ve been thinking back. And that’s just another place that things have been misconstrued.
What gets me the most, though, is how she can do this and not feel so horrible about herself afterwards. I didn’t feel that great at the BEGINNING, before I opened my mouth to the oldest girl. But I guess I never should. I was sick of the kids “working it out” because they weren’t working it out. And if you think I’ve been boiling from it—wow, how that GRANDMOTHER was boiling from it, and TOTALLY misunderstanding EVERYTHING.
But maybe none of us understood any of it. I still am confused, but I hope now D’s going to stay AWAY from these girls. And I’m going to find a way to GET US AWAY from these people. I can only imagine the poison these people have been flinging around, and at me.
I just want out of here. This place is too hostile, it’s too destructive, and we’ve just been here too long. I’ve got a lead for someplace to look, and we’ll see how it turns out. The great thing is, I don’t have much to pack. I’ve already started cleaning. I just need to figure out how we’re going to get the money to get the heck out of here. That’s going to be the hard part, because all of the money we have in our bank account now goes to the trip, or to bills. We’ve got it nearly all planned out.