I was in such a great mood about 20 minutes ago. Then, D came charging through here, while I was on the phone to one of the pastors at church (about MOPS), and then I had to handle this issue about the older girl (6 year old) upstairs “playing with dog poop” and trying to get P to play with it, in which case I commenced washing it off the porch. Then her baby sister’s daddy came home (he’ll be her stepdad if they get married, but I really don’t want to call him that now because they’re not yet, and sometimes their fights can get vicious, like last night. I don’t THINK there was any physical abuse, but one can never know, and I’m sick of worrying about such things. :-|), and her mom happened to come down, and I told them they might want to talk to the girl about it, and they said it was just dog food the mom had thrown out the window the night before (as part of their fight I guess), which I let it all go, but kept cleaning off the porch, and mentioned how D had come through the house having a fit about it while I was on the phone with the pastor of all people…
Which got me to thinking of one of the MILLIONS of reasons I don’t want to be in this house anymore. I’m sick of people upstairs, period. I’m sick of dealing with parents who are totally blind to what their kids are doing or are just incompetent period (though I don’t totally think that of the people upstairs—but there are other sets of parents around this trailer park who totally fit that bill). I’m sick of parts of this apartment not being fixed, period. I’m sick of worrying about having to take it to someone else to take care of, period. I’m sick of wondering what the people driving down the driveway are doing—driving too fast, coming to see someone, looking in our windows, not being my husband when I’m waiting for him to come home—period. I want my OWN place, period.
No matter how hard I work to make this place better, my underlying dissatisfaction over this house will never cease, or be masked by the fact that I’m making it look better. I’m in that place where I want to scream and puke about this house, all at the same time!
And then I read today’s Proverbs 31. Oh gees….
This place is my Egypt. No plundering, nothing more than taking the experiences of living here. I don’t see the bigger picture of why we’re still here, but I do have faith that it will work out in the end. It’s just getting to the end….and I’ll get there, I just have to trust. It just doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it!
So, anyhow…I went through all the stuff at the bottom of the stairs. It once again looks presentable. Really nice, almost. I’ve got to go wipe down the inside of the freezer in the washroom. And then turn it on, as the Popsicle 100 Calorie Fudgsicles are just as awesome as the Klondike Slim-A-Bear ones! I know, a lot of it has to do with all the air in it—that makes them look bigger, and keep the calories down, but I just LOVE them! T likes them, as do the kids. I think we’ll go back to the store later this week and get 2 of those, plus 2 of the SpongeBob Push Pops. Just hours ago, this computer room as full of boxes, of stuff and empty ones too. Now it’s all back together, and the boxes are gone, or packed away.
In 2 weeks we’ll be in Colorado. I just can’t wait! I think this time next week I’ll start packing up our clothes. And finding more things to bring upstairs. But then that’s what I should be doing constantly, huh?
I’m having a hard time not feeling completely discouraged about EVERYTHING. 😐